OK, I'm back but I don't know for how long.

Okay, so this is a completely selfish, personal, whining post. Learn to live with it.

So I went to the doctor this morning for my 6-month check-up. Results? Less than sterling.

I'm up 10 more pounds. That explains the need for all new clothes - finally crossed that "cannot-pull-this-together-no-matter-how-hard-I-try" threshold. Ever hear of a double chin? What about a double stomach? Really, it's developing.

This despite the fact that I'm trying my hardest to eat right, have cut out practically all snacks, have cut back on the carbs, eat fruit and vegetables more, etc. I've even cut out my favorite maroon colored peanut patty candy that's shipped special to me from New Mexico (can't get it here) by my step-son and his family.

Have also been exercising for the last couple of months. And still I gain. I think I'd be the one guy who'd gain weight on Survivor. I could gain weight eating just dirt, or just AIR.

I have diabetes, which means that my blood-sugar builds up because it is not being utilized properly by my cells. Which means I am not getting as much energy from it as I might were things to work properly. And yet the cells are still getting enough to create fat.

Just how little food do I need to keep my body going without producing fat, anyway? I've cut way down, my cells aren't absorbing the sugar that's produced anyway, and yet I keep on going and gaining weight to boot. Okay, so I'm going to make a conscious effort to cut down the amount of food I consume AGAIN. But what you want to bet? What do you want to bet that it makes the weight go UP?

OK, in line with the "well-this-didn't-work-so-I'm-screwed" situation I've found myself in, there's the whole thing about my blood-sugar. 9 months ago my A1C was 6.2, a really great figure for diabetics, means that 6.2% of my blood-sugar is not being used (sort of). Normal people it runs from 4.5 to 6.

So 6 months ago it's 7.0, which signaled my doctor to change my medicine from 7.5 milligrams to 10. So, 3 months ago (and I didn't find out about it till today because they forgot to notify me), it was 7.2. AFTER the medicine change. So the doc today says we'll see what it is now since you've now been exercising for two months and, according to him, "exercise will make a drastic change in blood sugar."

Anyway, with my weight's illogic in mind, I'll say about the blood-sugar, "we'll see, we'll see." Of course, if it's still up the doc will say, "still need to fiddle with the medicine, maybe a different kind." He said today, "it's my job to fiddle with it until we find something that works." In other words, "we don't know what we're doing, but we'll keep trying." Oh, well, that is the way with medicine today.

And my wife's A1C is now lower than mine! Not fair! She has neuropathy and everything that says her case of diabetes is having more effect on her than mine on me. So, why does she get to have a lower A1C? Of course, I'm happy hers is now under control, but I want mine to be lower. PLEASE!!!

My blood pressure has always been good, usually about 130 over 70 (especially considering my weight). But with my heart condition, the doc wanted it down. So he increased that medicine and for a few months it would run about 100 over 50. But it's been creeping up.

Today it was 128 over 65, which he says is good, until I pointed out that he wanted it lower. Then he remembered, so I promised to cut out eating salted nuts and we'll see what it is next time.

I'd have actually been a bit more reassured, however, if he'd remembered what it was he was trying to achieve in the blood pressure area. I just hope his memory is also bad in the area of his wanting me to have a colonoscopy and my not making the appointment.

He's been really touting the stomach surgery route for weight reduction. He may be right that there's no way at my age and point-of-no-return other than that to lose weight. He says that every one of his patients that's had it said if they had it to do over they would. Every one I've talked to says that they liked the fact they lost weight but life was a misery doing it.

Seems like you have to be really careful what you eat after the surgery. Wrong thing, you're sick. Seems like you can't eat very much of anything. Too much, you're sick. Seems like you have to eat at very regular time. Eat at the wrong time, you're sick. And many had stomach problems ever since.

I don't want to live that way. I'd rather just starve myself into a smaller body. And the operation isn't reversible. No changing your mind after the fact. And there can be serious complications (life-threatening ones, as a matter of fact). And it might not work. Crap, what an alternative.

And all this after falling twice today trying to get from the house to the car. You see, in Minnesota we have a February thaw and the snow melts a bit and the water gets on the drives and sidewalks. At night that freezes and the next morning, as the sun hits it, the top layer melts into water again. Ever step on ice with water on top? Slick doesn't even begin to describe it.

Luckily this morning I was carrying a large empty cardboard box (remember that DVD player I got?) and it cushioned my fall both times. But they WERE falls, not just slips. And the second one I saw the ice, I was careful in how I stepped there (no way to avoid it), and still, my foot had barely touched it before I was on one hand, two sliding feet and one large box. Ah, so lovely for a poor boy from New Mexico.

Anyway, I hate doctors. On the other hand, paramedics who show up when you're having a heart attack, and put up with carrying your oversize body down stairs, those guys I love.