OK, I'm back but I don't know for how long.

Below, if you're interested, is another Karak chapter. Here, however, are some thoughts provoked by "Paycheck", a movie I watched this morning.

It seems that a whole lot of events occur in my life which form a pattern, a pattern which draws my thoughts to specific subjects. Recently such a "net" of events have culminated in the ideas from the movie as well as several other natural extensions of those ideas.

A friend of mine recently cautioned me about my literary work being stolen by others. This made me think about what I have accomplished during life and how important these things have been to me. Some of my conclusions (which, of course, apply just to me, everyone else has to reach their own), surprised me.

I also recently talked on a blog with a person who's had trouble coming to grips with the fact that they can't right the wrongs of the world, and in many cases have made them worse. And this led me to think about how one should approach life, what one should try and what not, and how to recognize the difference. By the way, just watching the original "The Out of Towners", talk about trying to force the unforceable.

An ex-boss recently called me. He was laid off from his company after 22 years (so much for security in a regular job), and was with a new company. He's the ONLY good manager I've ever had, he really knew what he was doing. Anyway, they're going to have some openings at his new company and he'd love to have me there. So there is some possibility that my future plans may change.

Anyway, all these things happened and then this morning I watched "Paycheck". I won't give the plot away, but it's about memories - past, present & future. If you see the movie (and it's good, so go see it), you'll know what I mean by "future" memories. So, naturally, I pulled all these things I've mentioned together, focused it through the ideas in the movie and came up with some thoughts. Here's a small subset of them.

My wife has the walls of her special room covered with photographs. Hundreds of pictures, mostly of her children and grandchildren. Nothing unusual there, but it plays right into my thoughts. She has collected small snippets of time, of memory, to help her remember the people of her life, who they were at different times in their lives.

I've always said that picures weren't important to me, because I have my memories. But as I get older, as the memories begin to fade, blur, merge together, and even disappear completely, I'm becoming of a different opinion. I recently was given a photo album by my sister with old photos, actually mostly of me as a small child, and I realize that those images, at least, aren't in my memories, weren't ever there. They are very valuable to me now.

Few of us ever really accomplish anything in life which has great relevance. Muse talks about getting a book published, having her creative efforts recognized, and I certainly wouldn't play that down, but few of us will achieve such a thing.

Most of us will live quiet, small, lives and wonder at the end of it why we've been there. If we're smart and have acquired some wisdom along the way, we'll figure it out.

My wife would say we're here because of the effect we can have on others, the kindnesses, the relationships, even, for her, to bring them to Jesus. She's a Christian, you see, who takes her commission seriously. And that's the wisdom she's acquired, that's the purpose of life she's determined. The wisdom you acquire may be different, made different by the different events of your life.

Many of us start out our adult life with grand plans, or at least asperations. We're going to be President, or get a degree, or own our own business. Some we make happen, some we don't, some we just accident into. Regardless of any of that, at the ends of our lives, most of it fades into the background, into memories.

Some memories are somewhat continuous. For example, if you start a business and later sell it, your memory of the business continues, in a changed manner. When you have a child, you're continually making new memories of them, so we have a continuity of memories. These kind of memories fade less because they're constantly being reinforced.

Maybe this is why, with the advantage/disadvantage of 61 years of life, I count of value among my achievements only two things - my children.

Oh, I'm proud of having written a novel, even if nobody was even interested in seeing it. And I wrote a computer game that I think is rather cool, but never sold a single copy, although I actually tried to market it - just too little too late. And I managed to get several college degrees, so high points for perseverance, either that or just fear of going to work. None of the work I have done, programs designed, etc., has been of consequence - just a way to earn money to buy food, just hunting trips after the bacon.

But my kids, well, they're my legacy. They'll continue after me, my living memories. I am constantly amazed by the mere fact that I created them (OK, I had help, but you know what I mean), that without me they would not have even existed. Wow, talk about a feeling of power. Well, when I was changing diapers, maybe I didn't feel that way, or when they were troublesome teenagers, but I do now.

Basically, I guess what I'm trying to say is that all we really have left at the end is our memories. Oh, there are physical attibutes of those memories (like our kids) but the memories are our main possessions. And that includes the bad as well as the good.

In the movie a comment is made about the everyday memories being unimportant. Some of my favorite memories are just that, everyday. By the end of the movie the character who said such a thing learns that he was wrong. It is the progression of memories which make up our life and none of them are really unimportant because they provide our life's continuity.

Ever wish you hadn't done something in your life? Or did do something you didn't? Well the bad memories are important, too. I can call up way too many bad memories in my life, but without them my present would be different, I would be different.

If I hadn't married my first wife, I might have had kids with someone else, but they would have been different people, I would have different memories of them, and I don't know that I want to give up some of my memories of my kids, don't know if the memories of the new kids would be as good, don't like the uncertainty. So I guess I won't wish not to ever have been married to that person, I'll accept the bad memories with the good, they were important, too

Anyway, cherish your memories, good and bad. Remember, they will not ever be repeated, and they form the reality of your life. Your past memories lead to your present, this present, and, as far as "future" memories, you'll just have to see the movie, I guess.