OK, I'm back but I don't know for how long.

-23 this morning. Real. In the -40's in the northwest corner of the state. Of course, you might as well not call it the northwest corner of the state, it's really Canada. The people up there might not think so, but they DO speak with a Canadian accent. Honestly.

The car started this morning (thank God for even un-heated garages), but every day it's been a little more sluggish at it. Keep your fingers crossed for 5 P.M. when it's forecast for a balmy -5 and my car's been sitting out all day, in the shade. Guess 7 years on a battery may be asking too much of it in this state.

Let's talk temperature. Coldest I've been in was the year I was in Anchorage, Alaska. 43 below one night, axle grease in the truck froze, had to drive all the way to work at 5 mph in first gear. Same night it was 79 below in Fairbanks (the icebox of Alaska). They have a steam plant outside of town for heating and the steam lines running into town froze!

Amarillo, believe it or not, is known for its cold temperature. Or, at least cold for Texas. There's an old saying there: "There's nothing between Amarillo and the North Pole except a barbed wire fence." On days when it's particularly cold, the saying becomes: "Who tore down the fence?"

Of course, whatever cold they receive down in the southwest comes from us, it's our present to them. Don't you guys know, we have big fans on the southern Minnesota border, blowing our cold down to you. By the way, fellows, in about 2 days you're going to be freezing your "you know what" off.

We gladly send them our cold (even though it pulls more cold from Canada onto our heads) because of the bumper stickers that were common in Texas in the 70's. You know, those days with gas lines and incredible hikes in gasoline and heating oil prices. The period which brought on the 55 mph speed limit all over the country.

Throughout the state of Texas after the "double-nickel" came in, there could be seen the bumper sticker: "Drive 70, freeze a Yankee." And I don't think they were referring to a baseball player. You see, the Texans had plenty of oil and gas, it was just the rest of the country that was a tad short. And they were being a bit selfish about it. I would have been upset about those bumper stickers, but I lived in Texas at the time, so it seemed downright funny to me.

I've always thought, however, that we should take all those fans (really, they're there, down south of Albert Lea) and put them on our northern border and blow all the cold air back on the Canucks. Hey, there's not enough people up there in Alberta and Saskatchewan where all the cold comes from to bother with anyway (move 'em to Cincinnati or someplace like that).

If we could get it cold enough up there, maybe the air would freeze, fall to the ground, and then we wouldn't have to worry about it being blown down here. And they could gather the air up and sell it to companies who blow up balloons for kids' birthday parties and make a few bucks.

I once had a list of different temperatures and the effects. I'll have to dig it out, think it's on my machine at home. Anyway it mostly had items contrasting Californians and Minnesotans. Like at 32 degrees, Californians die. At -20 degrees, Minnesotas button their coat. It was quite hilarious, completely untrue, however. It's closer to -30 degrees.

On the other hand, as we shiver in January winter, think about this: in Antarctica it's summer. Lucky dogs. Boy, I wonder what size battery they use to start their SUV's in the winter there. Must be a real bear getting AAA out to start your car, I bet.

Anyway, we had our Monday morning meeting today. Don't ask. We each decided that we would work on something that's not on our priority list. That way we don't have to reprint the list next week. Gotta be thinking about these things, you know. As the old adage says: A penny saved is a drop in the bucket.

We also decided that the main topic of concern was something that needs to be finished two months from now. One guy still has a little bit to do, but we can't seem to free him up from other things to finish it. So we'll spend meeting after meeting discussing that it needs to be done and about the middle of March there'll be a panic. Same old, same old.

Speaking of old sayings (and I was because I ran out of tales about cold weather), one of my favorites is: A rolling stone gathers momentum. Somehow the techie in me just howls at that one. Get it? A rolling stone gathers... Oh, well, *I* liked it.

My wife has to go out into the cold today, even though she didn't want to. My youngest son, who's 35 and has never had a driver's license (believe it or not), is going to take his driving test for the 4th time. And since it's just not kosher to DRIVE to the place to get the license, my wife is having to take him.

Our daughter-in-law is at work, our son being the house-husband of modern-day lore, so the duty falls on my wife. After the 4th failure (believe me, after failing it 3 times I'm sure the nervousness alone is enough to cause him to fail, but keep your finger crossed for him), in Minnesota you have to do something else. Don't know what it is, but you've got to do something else.

It probably doesn't help that he's trying to teach himself to drive, that he gets experience only by himself and only when he absolutely has to drive. It also doesn't help that after he fails the test he doesn't really practice a whole lot. And he still refuses to go on the freeway. He really needs to take a driving course, but maybe the state will insist on it if he fails today.

Anyway, I'm not so sure I want him on the road without a little more training. It's sort of scary when he talks about all the trouble he has on side streets, where there's almost no traffic and it all flows together from light to light. Anyway, pray for us all today. Don't know what you should pray for, just pray.

Watched the movie "Torque," this morning. I guess you'd call it a guy movie. On the other hand, it had some really tough biker chicks in it, so maybe the feminists can draw comfort from the fact that the women were just as obnoxious as the men.

It's cold here today. Did I mention that? No opinion, truth.