OK, I'm back but I don't know for how long.

So turned on the news and saw first thing that Saddam Hussein was captured. Nice to hear some good news first thing in the morning. Now this doesn't really affect my everyday life that much, but I've got a hunch it will some other people's. Sorry if this sounds political but I really don't have much use for a sadistic tyrant like him.

You know, reading so many blogs about how hard it is to go through life without another, it reminds me of my relationships throughout life. I was also in anguish when I was young, but I found that someone will come along (sometimes multiple people). I was certain that each of my wives was "the" one, in some way, but two out of three have ended, the first with great anguish and despair at the death of the love, the second slowly, sort of like trying to get your zipped-up coat off when the zipper is broken. And through all this and into my third, which really is "the" one, I've slowly realized one thing. Despite friends who are close, loves you may find in life, family members near to you, even children you may have, you are alone in some measure. Nobody goes with you into sleep, into your dreams, and every other person might leave you in one way or another, but there's always you. Now that makes many people feel bad, desperate, even suicidal. But it makes me feel stronger. To know that as bad as it gets, I'm still there, I can still rebuild my world, find more people, find more love (it really is there).

Maybe our problem with looking for love is not that we look in the wrong places as the country song says, but that we look too fast for it. We are so desperate at time to find someone to love us that we overlook the very ones we were meant to find, we look too "fast" at others, discard them for a variety of trivial reasons, and go on in our misery. For virtually everyone I know that is truly "in love", it was almost accidental. Virtually none of them were "expecting" to find love with the person they found. The randomness of it doesn't make me feel helpless, not able to make it happen, it makes me feel like it can be just around the next corner, in the next place I go, the next person I talk to.

You know, whether I believe it or not, my wive says that I was sent by God to her. I told her that puts a whole lot more responsibility on me than I really cared for. She never said it, but I believe she thought, "that's not your choice, it's God's." Anyway, she feels that God didn't want to send me until she came to terms with the idea that He should be enough for her. Once she came to accept that even if she never found anyone it was OK, then he sent me into her life.

Funny thing is, even though "I need to be married" (my wife's opinion about my needs), I am also OK with the idea that it's my relationship with God that is the most important one that I have, and that, I think, makes it so it give him great joy in sending me the woman of my life.

Goofy stuff, enough. Sorry I scared you #3. Didn't intend to. Well, will be getting the wife up in 10 minutes so she can start getting ready to go to church. I've been up since about 6:30. She gets up, believe it or not, at about 4:00 A.M. for prayer time and then comes back to bed at 5:30. Then she (giggle) kisses my back and says she loves me before going back to sleep. Once she's up then my "alone" time is gone. I don't wake up good for about 2 hours after I get out of bed, don't become "Officially" up. We have a joke that until then I'm not really me, I'm really "morning guy," who only speaks in monosyllables composed mostly of grunts and "bahs".

Heard a good quote the other day concerning ex-wives (I suppose it could apply to ex-husbands as well, but since I've never had one of those, it's hard to relate to). "Ex's won't go away until you put a stake through their hearts." So true. So if your ex is being particularly nasty, maybe they's just trying to put a stake through your heart so you'll realize it's really over. Anyway, just a thought.

Tonight is the finale for survivor 7. Anybody with an opinion as to the winner? Like Jon or hate him? Don't even care? What's your favorite show? Really? You're kidding! Watched "Haunted Mansion" yesterday afternoon. So-so. Oh, had a friend who went to Japan during college and learned a few words of Japanese. Seems like Soso is the slang term for female genitals. So when Americans use that term, it usually provokes a giggle or two from Japanese people.