OK, I'm back but I don't know for how long.

And we continue one more time...

Just because I was using my trip to Playa Blanca to learn how to do nothing, didn't mean that I was doing nothing at all times. Now, I didn't go try out all those activities the place provided free (scuba diving, snorkeling, sailing, etc.) because, well, I'm just not the athletic type. But there were things that were more in my style (at that time, anyway).

There was one day they had a multi-activity contest where you could compete on a team in any of the activities you wanted. So, I figured, what the hey, surely I can do something, some event. I signed up for the egg toss, basketball throw and trivia contests. My team won each of those and, to my surprise, I was the star of each.

In the egg toss I was lucky enough to be teamed with a long, tall gal. Thus, I could get some real height on the egg when we got out to distances of 20 yards or so and not overshoot her. And I had the beginning of a natural pad which helped me cushion the egg as I caught it at midriff level. She and I won that contest.

Incredibly, I made the most hoops in the basketball throw, an incredible two out of ten! Obviously not a lot of basketball stars there that week. Trivia questions, no problem, once I convinced my team that I actually did know where the hottest, coldest, driest and wettest places on earth were. We won that one too.

How did my team do overall? I have no idea. I really wasn't interested. It was just something to do on an afternoon when I was feeling like participating a bit. It didn't take much of my time and I wasn't really heavily invested in the results. Soon I was back at my main table, watching the world go by.

Then there was the amateur competition entertainment, when the guests did the entertaining. No, I didn't compete, and those who did had a lot of help from the staff, but I was there. Just as I went to the disco several times. Now I'm not a dancer, don't really like it, but I do enjoy some music, and I can really appreciate getting close to a girl (as if there were many slow dances in a disco).

A couple of popular songs at the time (they played them over and over), were “Venus” by Bananarama and “Two of Hearts” by Stacy Q. When I got back to the States I went and bought the cassette tapes containing those two songs (for remembrances). The clerk looked at me, looked at the tapes, and said, “You just blew the hell out of the demographics.”

Like I said, I was the old guy there, so I wasn't the most popular dance partner, but I found my share of girls who just wanted to dance and didn't mind who with. At a small place like that, with the same people around every day, you make some friends.

Not friends in the sense of we'll see each other when we leave here, or we'll call. No, but friends in the sense that you like to be together and do stuff together. And what else do you need for dancing, even with an old guy.

Like I say, there was a bit of drinking done at Playa Blanca. I can remember vividly one afternoon in the bar. Somehow I had attracted a small crowd, 2 other guys and 3 girls. We'd all had a few and decided to play liar poker for more. So we pooled necklace beads, went to the bar and got 20 shorts of amaretto and enough beer to go around several times.

Now, what the girls didn't know was that the guy dealing (no, it wasn't me) wasn't as drunk as he seemed. And he was slick enough with the cards to be able to stack the deck and the girls were drunk enough not to notice. Every hand that we guys got was great and every one the girls got was terrible. And all three of us guys knew it.

Well, pretty soon the amaretto was gone, the beer was gone, we'd made another trip to the bar and all that booze was gone too, and the girls were DRUNK! Now, thinking back on it, I wonder what I thought was so great about getting three girls so drunk, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.

I wish I could say the whole incident ended in some glorious way, but it wasn't likely to. Eventually the girls decided they needed to find a place to pass out and did so, the other guys drifted off, and I was alone again.

I mean, I was young enough to envision the girls being drunk enough to invite us guys back to their rooms, but that only seems to happen in sleazy movies. Besides, who wants to go to bed with a comatose girl. As I say, like many things in life, it seemed a good idea at the time.

Oh, returning to something mentioned about my arrival at the resort.

There were two schedules for people arriving at Playa Blanca, on Saturday and Wednesday. So on Wednesday, when the "new fish" arrived, all in their airline clothes, all us "old timers" gathered around the amphitheater to let them know they were going to be sorry. And to drink to their arrival (any excuse will do) with ONE of the drinks in our hands.

Now, the idea is to have the SECOND drink in your hand ready for the new girls, to get them engaged in conversation before the new guys do. I guess those people above us on Saturday hadn't really been studying ME or any of the guys intently, just the girls in the group. I had missed that then. I didn't now, made some new friends.

Then there was PICNIC. On Monday, all those who wished to sign up for PICNIC were whisked off to another beach for a day of games, food, and, of course, drinking, much drinking.. The week I was there few enough people were at the resort so EVERYONE could go, no problem with it being overbooked like usual.

A word. If you go to Playa Blanca and they still have PICNIC, then don’t miss it. You haven’t experienced a vacation if you haven’t been to PICNIC. I’ll always capitalize this event, it was that big in the experience. It’s the one large-group activity I’ve participated in that you’ll catch me saying that about.

I never knew there were so many drinking games. Our booze consisted of SEVERAL huge drums in which sangria had been made. We even had games where you choose partners of the opposite sex, dash into the ocean, and exchange swimsuits with your partner. And some actually did it! Hey, we were drunk by that time. What an excuse, heh?

Being honest with you, I don't remember a lot of that day. But I did have fun. I do remember hearing the leader of the PICNIC repeating over and over "My beach, my rules." This was in response when someone complained about the fairness of having to drink because of a minor infraction of the rules of a game.

Here's a game to play on the beach with a big group of drunks. Line up the girls standing with legs apart, do the same with the guys in another line. Have a group of 5 guys try to crawl on hands and knees through the legs of the girls, group of 5 girls through the guys' line.

Girls or guys, you don't want the other sex to get through the line first and win. So there's all kinds of shenanigans going on as you try to crawl through. Really, you had to be there. Total bedlam.

Anyway, even after getting back from PICNIC, some of us continued the games at dinner. After all, we had wine, what else could we do? There was one game where each person chooses a code word and then we all sing a little ditty, everybody clapping, and then the chosen one has to give the code word of some other person who would then become chosen.

But you can't hesitate in the least trying to remember a code word to use or you have to drink. To make it harder there are some rules, like you can't repeat either of the last two code words used before yours, and if you violate the rules you drink. And if anybody complains, "My beach, my rules."

Pretty soon we're drinking straight from the bottle of wine, takes too much time to pour it into a glass, and people were bringing over the bottles from their table as we ran out. The ditty got faster and faster and faster. Wow, fun. Sort of. Sing. Drink. Sing. Drink. Repeat endlessly. Go to room. Pass out. Evening over.

Anyway, eventually the fun stopped, the week ended. That group of excited tourists which had arrived with shouts left in whimpers, going back up that winding road to Puerto Vallarta.

No beer this trip. Everyone's trying to get their "land legs" again, detoxifying. A week of excitement and fun, expressed in a few chemical bedeviling your body. But memories? Ah, we did have those.

So, that week I learned how to do nothing. I learned how to have fun all by myself.

I learned that I wasn't really cut out for all that drinking. I learned that forty-something doesn't really fit with twenty-something.

I learned that girls were no looser (for me, at least) than they had been in high school. I learned that geckos can be nice pets but are really annoying at night.

And I learned once and for all that I really don't like the outdoors.




P.S. As one could well expect in today's temporary world, I must report with great regret that the Playa Blanca resort is no more. I found the following statement: "Unfortunately, Club Med Playa Blanca has been closed since 9/11 and was recently sold." Yet another victim of 9/11's economical fallout.

You can see a picture of where I was at: http://www.blackpearls.net/playa_b.html

I was housed in one of those buildings marching up the hill to the left. Coming down that hill, the second floor area you can see part of was the restaurant. The bottom area next to it was the bar area. Further to the right, barely out of view, was the amphitheater. Moving past the pool from the bar, you can see the start of the beach.

You can also read another person's account of their visit to Club Med Playa Blanca at(had to split the line below as it wouldn't fit in my blog's format):
savvytraveler.org/show/features/1999/19990424/
club-med.shtml

But there are still many places on Club Med's list of "destinations" at clubmed.com There's still Cancun for the all inclusive price of 854/week. Although, I must also regretfully report that it appears from descriptions given at the web site that Club Med locations have become as modern as all other resorts and it appears they are now very little different.

Perhaps someone here at Mindsay could go to one and report back to us all if this is true.